Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Calloo, Callaway

All hail Big Bertha

The blowsy blonde with the 454 measurements.

Boom boom Bertha.

She hits it here, it falls to earth there.

(I would say "we know not where", but I don't want to
jinx her.)

She has only straight drives in her. I will have to
teach her kinky ways. Not purposefully, but through
maximum ineptitude.

So far, I have only unwrapped her from her jewel case and tenderly
stripped the shiny plastic from her. She resides in my bag,
waiting for her debut.

This is reputed to be the longest driver on the market.
It's like combining the many e-mail lotteries I'm told I've won
with Nigerian dead letter offices (10% of millions can be mine
if I'll only give them my bank account info) to the endless penis

Unfortunately, like all the others above, the long drive claim is
subject to human intervention. And with me as the human involved,
the claims may not pan out.

Even so, I'm excited about this driver in her titanium dress. We'll see what
happens when the fat lady sings.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Lives of Noisy Desperation

Thoreau would be heartbroken at the idea of blogging.

His whole philosophy was simplicity. The first conscientious objector, he went to jail rather than pay taxes he felt supported an unjust war. (In his case, the Mexican-American one, waged by the United States to take over Texas and the Southwest...and perhaps also extend the area of slavery.)

He built the cabin at Walden with his own hands. Although he only published two books before dying of tuberculosis at the age of 44, he kept journals that have been published in 20 volumes.

His conscience was his guide.